Life is like an iPod on shuffle: You should just be enjoying what's on now, but it's more exciting to wonder what's next.
But at least the end of the year gives you a chance to rewind. This year has seemed as depressing as a Cure song, what with the rest of the world hating us and all. But this year hasn't been all bad, according to the recap I looked at on wikipedia while I was uploading songs to the iPod I got for Christmas.
One of the things I learned was that in February the iPod store passed a million sales, which means I got into the whole phenomenon way late, like a poor guy in 1992 who bought Hammer pants. The only thing lamer would have been getting a Zune.
But I need every song ever recorded by my side so that next year, when I can’t decide what CDs to bring on the drive to work, I won’t just automatically grab Aerosmith (even though, when I put the iPod on shuffle, it always plays five Aerosmith songs in a row). Also, I want to make sure the next time I’m in Alabama, I don’t forget Hank Jr.
Anyhoo, other good news from ‘06: In March, Americans gave Oscars to movies about racism (“Crash”) and gay love “Brokeback Mountain”), although I think they should take away Ang Lee's best director award as punishment for what he did to the Hulk.
On March 17 the United States retired the last two battleships used in the world. I think that law was called D-7.
Get it?
Nothing good happened in April and May. On June 25, Warren Buffett donated $30 billion to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. In other news, on June 26, I started the Jacob Bennett Foundation.
You just never knew what was gonna come next, like when your iPod follows Ray Stevens' "I Need Your Help, Barry Manilow" with James Brown's "Payback." Speaking of which, God rest the Godfather of Soul's soul.
In September, Steve Irwin, a man famous for taking crocodiles’ lunch money, was taken out by a fish. In November, a preacher who campaigned against gay marriage stepped down over his relationship with a dude prostitute.
But his fall came at a good time: In December, America learned forgiveness when Donald Trump forgave Miss USA Tara Connor for underage drinking and re-enacting "Brokeback Mountain" with Miss Teen USA.
Personally, I don't forgive Tara, mostly because nobody caught her on camera. I sure did look though. Even on wikipedia, which is like the devil’s maze. I went from the 2006 recap to a page about Gerald Ford, which mentioned the old "Saturday Night Live" sketch where Dana Carvey impersonates Tom Brokaw delivering the news that "President Gerald Ford was eaten by wolves," which led me to a page about infamous "SNL" moments to a page about Andy Kaufman to a page about Michael Richards.
Hmm. Michael Richards. I haven't heard that name in forever. I wonder what's he's been up to.
Maybe in some cases, it isn’t so bad listening to the same old song and dance.
But at least the end of the year gives you a chance to rewind. This year has seemed as depressing as a Cure song, what with the rest of the world hating us and all. But this year hasn't been all bad, according to the recap I looked at on wikipedia while I was uploading songs to the iPod I got for Christmas.
One of the things I learned was that in February the iPod store passed a million sales, which means I got into the whole phenomenon way late, like a poor guy in 1992 who bought Hammer pants. The only thing lamer would have been getting a Zune.
But I need every song ever recorded by my side so that next year, when I can’t decide what CDs to bring on the drive to work, I won’t just automatically grab Aerosmith (even though, when I put the iPod on shuffle, it always plays five Aerosmith songs in a row). Also, I want to make sure the next time I’m in Alabama, I don’t forget Hank Jr.
Anyhoo, other good news from ‘06: In March, Americans gave Oscars to movies about racism (“Crash”) and gay love “Brokeback Mountain”), although I think they should take away Ang Lee's best director award as punishment for what he did to the Hulk.
On March 17 the United States retired the last two battleships used in the world. I think that law was called D-7.
Get it?
Nothing good happened in April and May. On June 25, Warren Buffett donated $30 billion to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. In other news, on June 26, I started the Jacob Bennett Foundation.
You just never knew what was gonna come next, like when your iPod follows Ray Stevens' "I Need Your Help, Barry Manilow" with James Brown's "Payback." Speaking of which, God rest the Godfather of Soul's soul.
In September, Steve Irwin, a man famous for taking crocodiles’ lunch money, was taken out by a fish. In November, a preacher who campaigned against gay marriage stepped down over his relationship with a dude prostitute.
But his fall came at a good time: In December, America learned forgiveness when Donald Trump forgave Miss USA Tara Connor for underage drinking and re-enacting "Brokeback Mountain" with Miss Teen USA.
Personally, I don't forgive Tara, mostly because nobody caught her on camera. I sure did look though. Even on wikipedia, which is like the devil’s maze. I went from the 2006 recap to a page about Gerald Ford, which mentioned the old "Saturday Night Live" sketch where Dana Carvey impersonates Tom Brokaw delivering the news that "President Gerald Ford was eaten by wolves," which led me to a page about infamous "SNL" moments to a page about Andy Kaufman to a page about Michael Richards.
Hmm. Michael Richards. I haven't heard that name in forever. I wonder what's he's been up to.
Maybe in some cases, it isn’t so bad listening to the same old song and dance.
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