Paying for free candy with my dignity

To the people at the office who keep free candy at their desks:

You are not doing me any favors.

More importantly, you're not doing my talking scale any favors. The other day I stepped on it and it said: "Oof."

That's right. "Oof."

I believe my scale said this because I am gaining weight. Because of the candy. The candy you guys provide for me at no charge.

Don't get me wrong. This is very kind of you. If we worked at a small company, and there was only one of you kind enough to bring in fun-sized M & Ms, there would be no problems.

But we work at a large company, so three or four of you in my department have open bowls and have told me personally that it is OK if I take some. These bowls are so inviting, especially when there are Reese's peanut butter cups, or KitKats, or 3 Musketeers, or Snickers, or Hershey's Kisses, or Butterfingers, or those little square caramels.

Sweet heavens, those little square caramels.
So tasty. So inviting. So supple.

And I tell myself that I will only take a little candy, and for the most part, this is true. From each bucket. Especially when you are away from your desk and I don't have to look you in the eye.
Believe me, if you could see me, you would see shame.
Lt. Dave's jar, which is shaped like a friendly police officer, even says, "Stop! Move away from the cookie jar!"

But I've always lived on the edge.

The irony is, I only take so much because it is free.
This is the same reason I have to make several trips downstairs when the office has our monthly Free Coke Day.

In reality, all this free stuff comes with a hefty price: my dignity.
I keep saying I'll buy bags to replace them, and I really mean it, but I'm sure you don't believe that.

So the only thing I have to offer in return is my thanks.
And possibly a busted scale, if you needed one of those for any reason.

Sincerely...
Jacob Marquis Bennett

Columnist Jacob Bennett tried with an open hand and a heart of sorrow. Hoped that everything would be all right. Don't save too much lovin for tomorrow. Get out all your lovin here tonight at jacobmbennett@hotmail.com