Thursday, April 06, 2006

Pinchable Guys Work Off Nachos in the Morning

From the College Heights Herald, Feb. 8, 2001

I’d never seen so many naked guys that early in the morning.

I’m talking, of course, about the Preston Center locker room. My friend Mike and I had just finished a 6 a.m. workout in an effort not to be fat.

Other guys were also finishing their workouts, and they were in various stages of undress.

Mike and I became workout partners a few weeks ago, when we both decided we weren’t in peak physical condition.

Chalk it up to whatever you want: bad genetics, big bones or the fact that I just sat around all summer eating nachos and drinking beer. The fact is, I was a little bit more pinchable than I wanted to be.

Experts say if you work out early in the morning, you burn fat for the rest of the day. I wanted to try it, and I knew I was more likely to stick with it if I had a barbell buddy.

Mike’s also storing a few more calories than he would like, so he agreed.

The gym is a two-minute power walk from my dorm, so naturally Mike picked me up and we drove there in his faded Ford Tempo.

And he parked in the “Employees Only” spot right outside the door. “It’s 6 in the morning,” he said. “Who’s gonna park here?”


Exercising was hard at first, since we were as out of shape as delicious melted ice cream cones. But, as coaches like to say to motivate out-of-shape players, we gave 110 percent.

That first day we jogged until we collapsed (three laps), we played a strenuous full-court 1-on-1 basketball game (OK, it was H-O-R-S-E; fine, P-I-G), and we even did a couple minutes on the exercise bikes.

In a blatant act of heterosexuality, Mike suggested we ride the bikes upstairs so we could watch girls walk in.

Note to Mike’s fiancée, Cami: Just kidding.

Not to everyone else: We rode the bikes upstairs.

We’re still going a couple of times a week. We vary the routine to sculpt every inch of our now svelte bodies. This morning we did some bench presses to work our pectoral muscles. When we started, our chests looked a lot like Meat Loaf’s in “Fight Club,” if you know what I’m saying.
But no more.

I’ve lost like eight pounds since Christmas. And I wasn’t really even trying to lose weight, I just wanted to be not as floppy.

To test our new selves, this morning Mike and I ran up every single step in Smith Stadium. It’s a killer. I think I got more out of that workout than anything else I’ve ever done. No wonder Rocky beat Drago in part IV.

Then Mike and I changed our clothes in the locker room. Never before have so many guys seen me naked that early in the morning.

Columnist Jacob Bennett wants to get physical, physical. Let him hear your body talk, your body talk at

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